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The basic details sounded suitable for my daughter. My daughter told me many times she was sick of dating.A mutual friend said he's taking a break right now. Two months later I decided to give this boy another try."Sorry," I was told, "he is busy right now." If things don't work out, let's be in touch, I replied.Six weeks later I followed up and was told that he just finished dating someone and is not interested in going out again.But the claim is that for the boys the whole thing is one big joke, and marriage is the farthest thing from their mind at that point. I had mentioned something about dating guys in Israel, and this guy sends me an e-mail. either both "serious for a tachlis" kind of dating... If you would ask me then I would tell you I was serious about getting married. Guys and girls in shidduch dating don't touch each other, they only talk and look, which for normal people who are not Tzadikim gemurim, is not an issur bechlal. Regardless of background, if you are putting your heart on the line and that is what happens with tachlis dating, it is fair to expect the same in return and if you don't get that, it can feel bad. L7 - Sorry I didn't pick up on this earlier, but when you said, "We are young with raging hormones, and we have to somehoe deal with it, and i don't know of any great foolproof way," were you suggesting that marriage is a release for your hormones? But if somebody isn't prepared to deal with everything else that comes with marriage, then they have to find another way of dealing with their hormones. Or should we wait, like Tova said, no matter what, until we are good and ready before we date ANYTHING! But maybe we should be mature and do the difficult thing...)Turquoiseblue: Wow, like that is SO much to think about, and so nicely written. ), you say you had the same raging hormones, and flirting a bit for release, but knew your limits, and waited for marriage for all the bliss. Like tonz of ppl definitely get pretty messed up doing stupid things in this crazy period of waiting with wild hormones raging. There are divorces and unhappy marriages probably by both those who get married young and those who don't. Having been there, I think 'brainwashing' is a strong term. My point is, that if it weren't going both way's, meaning that the girl would want something like that too, it wouldn't happen, why would you be going to town? It doesnt happen to often that guys go out on dates where the girl thinks it's a shidduch, after all let me be open here, if the guy went out on a girl for no reason, just to chill with her, (I don't think he'd be getting anywhere physically) so what's the point? What it boils down to is, how mature is the person, the immature guy, will always be lookin for another score, physically i'm talking, and if it's a mature person, then he's looking for a serious relationship, if it weren't for the future (i.e.
I am talking about a girl and a guy both in Israel who are introduced and meet and she thinks now it is a shidduch date. In the beginning she made it very clear she isn't looking for something very serious right now. But my Yeshiva (the "old" Hakotel-different story) also discouraged dating in Israel.
How does he plan on getting married if he's not dating?
He is 30 years old and from what I heard from a friend, he's smart and accomplished.
"He needs some time off again." The next bochur I looked into was 32.
The response to my inquiry was that he is extremely burned out from the whole dating scene.
End of story except the poor girl had her dreams high and all expectant and all that and it was nothing. I have nothing against getting married young, but as people we are so undeveloped. It takes some actual life experience to decide this. and that the rest sounded truely repentant.trust me these things happen regularly. Meaning, it is a year or two away from the distractions of parents, materialism, and other things that pull us away from living ideal lives.