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When were you planning on taking me out again, big boy? Then I met this really cute, supersmart adventurous grad student at a party. But if we’re going to continue, I like to have depth in my relationships, and it’s difficult to get deep with you if I know there are other women involved.” Then step back, and wait for him to do something. If he doesn’t, give it a couple of days, then try again. We hit it off, the sex was amazing, and now there were four. So if you’d like to keep seeing the other women, that’s fine, and I’ll miss you a lot, but I’ll have to bow out.But somehow, for some bizarre, primal reason, once they started chasing me I just couldn’t be interested anymore.Keep in mind that there’s also a positive motive here.And then I didn’t know what to do with her when she made those doe eyes at me and said she was really, really, really looking forward to hanging out again. I can’t feel great about these stories since the experience for these ladies was probably not hugely validating.And hey, maybe I was just flattering myself and they weren’t that into me either.Or, 95.4% of the time, he’s just thinking, hey, there’s an outside chance I could get laid here. If you want steady boyfriend leading to marriage and 2.3 kids and he wants Wednesday Arm Candy #3, we have a mismatch.
We’re all interconnected at some level, and causing distress in another person causes distress in ourselves. And at a very primitive level, remember that men enjoy the chase.
So if I’m interested in just a fling and she’s making Scarlett O’Hara eyes at me, then I don’t feel like it’s right for me to lead her on. That’s why the word chase is so often preceded by thrill of the.
Also, after you’ve pined for so long for a woman, any woman to like you, having one pop up who actually does can be a terrifying experience. Why should he be thrilled about your taking away his thrill?
And if his interest in you is limited from the start, then things can only go so far. Communicate with the fellow as clearly and directly as possible to find out what he’s looking for in a relationship: “So, what are you looking for in a relationship? ” Your senses are on high alert, and you just can’t wait to pounce. Here was the lion, with its advanced hunting software doing what it’s been doing for eons… Now he has to rethink the whole situation, perhaps totally losing interest in this particular gazelle.
” Imagine you’re a lion on the African savanna, stalking a gazelle. Then, suddenly, the gazelle sees you from the corner of its eye, turns around, and starts galloping towards you at full speed. This is not how things are supposed to go — I’m supposed to be the one chasing! Much simpler to deal with the script he’s familiar and prepared to deal with: Lion chase. This one has happened to me a lot, and it operates at such a primal, unconscious level that even I myself marvel at the speed and vehemence with which I lose interest when she starts chasing me more than I’m chasing her.
He thinks you’re really cool and sexy, likes you a lot, but knows that if you two started dating seriously, you mesh so well you wouldn’t be able to break up, and you’re already 40 and not all that into having kids, and he kinda does want kids sometime this millennium. So you need to know what you’re getting yourself into, and to compare that with what you would like to get yourself into.